Getting into state
So I've browsin the Venusian Arts forums as of late and especially on the newbies boards, I keep seeing the same recurring problems ove and over again, get shit tested, getting blown out of set, so on and so forth. In anycase, if anyone can relate to this, it's definitely myself, being on the show and all, it was extremely difficult. I remember getting off camera after my field challenges and wanting to throw up from being so stressed out.
After the first night after coming out of club Acme, I remember talking to Todd afterwards and seeing his hands. They were shaking uncontrollably. Granted, the show was definitely a bit of an amp'd up situation since we had to approach girls on top of being filmed on TV, having the 50,000 dollars on the line, as well as knowing that we could be kicked off at any time.
Nonetheless, all I'm trying to get here is that just starting out is probably the most difficult time in pick up as it is with almost anything else. When you first learn a new skill, it's always difficult for the first couple weeks/months, because you're just experimenting.
Pick up is especially difficult since it's tough as is but on top of that you're managing your emotions which can make it even more draining than say, learning to play tennis.
Getting to the point of this post, I think the most important milestone when I started hanging out with the top guys after the show was learning to make pick up an emotionally sustainable activity.
I remember going out night after night and getting absolutely nowhere and there were times where I wanted to just throw in the towel, but just knowing that I was going out with two of the best in the world Mystery/Matador, I knew that I had the best resources at the palm of my hands.
I don't think I actually enjoyed pick up for the first few months, it just seemed so monotonous and I kept getting rejected and much of my recounts were just like the ones you read on the newbies boards, it really became a chore.
I remember sitting down with Johnny who works with APB and he went over my issue with me. He just flat out said "you're not having any fun are you". I definitely wasn't, pick up had really become a chore.
We talked for about 3 hours and he really helped get me out of my rut. He told me that instead of going out with just other PUAs, that I should start going out with normal people and enjoying myself first.
"You're going to a club, it's where people go to have fun, satisfy that first, and the rest will take care of itself".
I took his advice and for the next couple weeks, I took steps to get myself into better moods when I went out, I started working out beforehand and being more pro-active in finding people that clicked with my peronality. Instead of being so goal oriented towards pick up, I focused more on just having a good time.
This one single move was probably the biggest accelerator for me in the pick up realm and counterintuitively enough, it wasn't even directly related to pick up itself.
Bottom line, every night I went out, i looked forward to it, I saw it as an enjoyable activity as opposed to a night filled with rejection.
At this point, whenever I go out, pick up is now secondary to having fun, once I'm having a good time or rather "I'm in state" as referred to in pick up terms, then I'll start the pick up process. it's almost a pre-requesite to pick up entirely.
My sets go a lot smoother, my blowouts are less severe and more importantly, when I do get blown out, I don't really care, because I'm already in a jolly ass mood anyways.
I noticed that when I first started out, I would become dependent on other's reactions for how my night went, if I got good feedback, I felt great, if I didn't then I felt terrible. Your feelings should never be contingent upon others, no matter how your night went, you should come back thinking you had a stellar time.
Long story short, don't treat pick up like a work out, where pain is a requirement for growth, learn to deal with rejection, learn to not care, and most importantly, learn to write field reports to document your errors and shortcomings.
If you can learn to enjoy the process, pick up is a very easy to learn skill.
-Kevin
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